Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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