Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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