She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
