I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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