Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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