Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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