Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
