True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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