If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
