in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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