Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
