I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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