First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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