At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
