you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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