Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
