Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
