I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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