Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Barsexuality is the new black.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
