I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
