Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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