I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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