those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
