The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
