We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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