The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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