I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
