Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
