So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize