honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
