Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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