who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
