So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
