I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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