im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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