Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize