whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
