It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
