dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you remember whose house we're in?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
