it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
