I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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