**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
