Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
