Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
