He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
