there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
