I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
