peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i out mim tonsoeep
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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