Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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