dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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