Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the day after is always just damage control
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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