i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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