He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
