If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
