She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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