mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
