i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
