is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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