Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
