I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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