Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
