We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
