either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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