I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Did I show you my penis last night?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
