We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
