Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
