i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
